I hate mornings. I have to be a morning person.

I now have to do double workouts before work. This is really hard.

Also, I work at noon. Does that now seem less hard? Maybe. But not to me.

This is a new change. My work schedule recently changed from starting at 7 a.m. to starting at noon.

I’m not a morning person. At all. Mornings are hard. I can get up when I need to get up, like for work or a race, but just getting up at 6 a.m. is so damn hard I don’t understand how people can do that. I managed the 7 a.m. shift because it didn’t require me to have to do anything physical. My body had plenty of time to wake up, and I could run and workout in the afternoons when my body was ready to go.

Time management is a constant struggle of mine. I like to wake up and go slow and putter. When I’m rushed, I get frazzled and forget things and make more mistakes than usual. When I know I have to be somewhere, I get anxious about being there on time and being prepared. All I can think about is what time I need to shower, eat and get out the door.

If I have 20 minutes to do something before I need to leave, that’s not enough time for me to do much. When I try to read, I just end up skimming pages until it’s time to go. Or I end up on twitter.

Flow is important to me. Getting into a groove and being able to grind away is how I roll. That’s why I prefer the marathon to the 5K, and that’s why I want to go straight toward a half ironman instead of sticking with shorter races. I’m too anxious for that kind of intensity.

I’ve been quite lucky in my schedule that I’ve gotten out of work at 3 p.m. or 4 p.m., giving myself what feels like a nice chunk of time to do something.

Of course, I have the same amount of time as I did before, but it feels different this time.

The secret problem with my old schedule was that I’d take so damned long with things that I would go to bed late. I deprived myself of sleep so I could do the things I wanted to. Now, I don’t have that luxury. The pool hours don’t allow me to swim after work, and I want to bike and run in the daylight.

That presents a new challenge: getting my ass out of bed at 6 a.m. to give myself plenty of time to run, bike, swim and be a person.

This is the second day of week three. Today, I got out of bed and ran and swam before work. This was a big victory, you guys.

The change also has forced me to stop shaming myself about not being a morning person. Ideally, I’d get up between 8 a.m. and 8:30 a.m. daily. That’s what my body seems to want, and after 29 years, I don’t think 6 a.m. alarms are going to be any easier.

But I am a runner. I do hard things. I push through runs when I feel like shit, as I did this morning. I’m giving myself some grace and love. This is a major change for my routine and my attitude. It’ll take some time. That’s OK.


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