I have an important announcement: I’ve returned to the blogosphere after a three-year hiatus.
Looking back, I’m not sure why exactly I stopped posting. If I had to hazard a guess, I’d say it was boredom.
But strong and fast women like Caitlin Constantine at Fit and Feminist, Kris Law and Nicole Antoinette at A Life Less Bullshit have inspired me to get back to it. I’ve appreciated their insight into training and life and decided I needed to bring that back into my life.
And maybe I know I need the accountability when it comes to my training and goals. I’ve got big ones. Boston. Ironman.
I can’t hide.
No one gets to these places alone ¬– we’ve got to have a team. Aside from my family and friends who support me on a daily basis, I love my twitter running buddies.
When I last posted in May 2012, I had just run my first half marathon.
Things have changed.
Now I’m training for marathon No. 5. I’m better at recovering from my workouts (as evidenced by the fact that I haven’t had an injury in nearly four years). I live in a new town. I have a new job. I’m now a cyclist. I’m a bit wiser. The past three years have been incredible in my personal growth into a better human being.
What hasn’t changed is I still hate lifting weights and I still love eating too much sugar. My allergies and asthma are kicking my ass as much as ever. On Tuesday, I struggled to run 4 miles instead of cranking out a 7-mile fartlek. But then on Thursday, I was triumphant in a 6-mile cutdown, racking up 10 miles for the day. Now today, I’m admittedly pouting because I could only get 5 miles in instead of 14. I’m still going to try to get 9 in this evening when the pollen levels drop.
These challenges leave me frustrated and fearful. How in the universe can I drop my marathon PR by more than 20 minutes to get a Boston qualifier if I cannot do my workouts and long runs? The days where I feel incredibly slow and out of shape tear up my confidence and motivation.
Anyone who knows me even marginally knows running is my thing. I sometimes think I put too much of my happiness in running, but that’s who I am. And it’s not all about the outcomes. I love running because of the daily journey and constant adventure. When my body holds me back from doing the thing I love, well, let’s just say I turn into a toddler.
So I’m having a coffee and listening to Florence & The Machine in an effort to pull me out of a funk so I can get to work this evening.
Not giving up is hard. Really hard. But throwing in the towel is much, much worse.
I have to forgive myself for having trouble running when the pollen shuts my body down and turning back instead of trudging/walking through my long runs and workouts nearly in tears. I have to learn how to fight my battles wisely and make the best of the situation. I have to learn to love the treadmill (oh dear lord that thing is the worst).
And I have to do what I do: keep smiling through it all. Because, really, it’s a good life.